on Christmas Eve 2012, i began to bleed heavily in my 21st week and was subsequently diagnosed with placenta previa. due to an increased risk for bleeding, i was on complete bedrest for the next 107 days.
it goes without saying, but 107 days is a long time. i learned that digestion doesn’t work well laying down. muscles atrophy. using the computer sideways is no fun. weight gain is inevitable. homeschooling kids while laying down has its challenges, esp. working through kindergarten curriculum! thanks to a mattress topper we bought, it was bearable to switch back and forth from my right side to my left--all day and night. let’s just say, our cheap couch has seen better days. by bedtime, it was strange to say, “Boy, am I tired of laying down. I guess it’s time to go lay down for sleep!”
quite a lot has to stop happening when one is on complete bedrest (an obvious understatement). it was scary to go from a healthy pregnancy to being on the precipice of losing one’s child. fear of the worst would come in waves, but by God's grace, i had to choose to trust God and reject such fears. i have had to rely on my husband to take on many of my activities/errands on top of his own busy schedule. my children have had to learn new skills for meal preparation and house cleaning to help manage our family’s needs. thankfully, because of the grace of God at work in His Body, we’ve been ministered unto by countless families who have generously brought meals to feed us when i was not allowed even to sit up. although i was forced to watch from the couch as life continued on, Jesus used this time to begin transforming my heart about serving...
prior to being put on bedrest, i had developed a pattern in my life of resentment about serving. i lived with overloaded days and was quite spent by nighttime, only to wake in the morning with an almost daily reluctance to serve my family. as an introvert who rarely got time alone, i had little margin in my life. i also didn’t plan in enough sleep nor regular exercise. with these unwise patterns, i grew weary of serving.
i must say, forced simplicity does a person good. try it sometime! all you have to do is clear your schedule and lay down all day on the couch! remember, you're now no longer allowed to sit up and get up unless its meal time or when the bathroom calls. at first, it can be restful. then, things shift to uncomfortable and frustrating. life will slow down pretty quickly and priorities should begin to rise to the surface. what’s funny is that before anything ever went wrong with my health, i could have voluntarily lived more simply by seeing bad fruit of my attitude, reevaluating my schedule/values and making wiser choices. it wasn’t until this season of being constantly supine that i could even see that my pace of life was by choice. also, i had never seen the ability to move about, to sit up, to have capacity to grocery shop and run errands--all as blessings to count!
since bedrest kept me from serving my family regular meals, helping my little children with baths, running to them when they got badly hurt, walking around the house for any task, i started LONGING to serve my family in practical, tangible ways. my understanding of serving took on a transformation: i could finally see it as an honor and privilege. now, i long to express Jesus’ love for my family by caring for many of their needs again. i now look forward to the things that i had grown tired of doing. no longer are they weighty, reoccurring tasks piled high, but activities to embrace with joy because they are deeply eternal.
watching the weeks slowly crawl by has finally turned into counting down the final days on one hand. now, only 5 more days until we meet our little button! with having a high risk pregnancy, our little munchkin has got to be the most photographed baby by ultrasound. our fridge is plastered with his 3D shots and silhouette. i must say that his chubby cheeks are absolutely irresistible; i can’t wait to kiss them! what a reward for this lengthy waiting period!
once our baby comes home with us, i want to commit myself to maintain simplicity in how i live my days. as i engage again in “normal” activities, i want to pause long enough in my spirit to experience the joy that Jesus intended for us to have while serving those we love. the inevitable temptation to live at a frenetic pace will come, but i pray for God’s grace to have discernment and to make wise choices with His Spirit indwelling me. it’s amazing how one can do the exact same activities, and touch eternity, IF it is done from the heart and aligned with how God wants us to see things. great joy is available to us at the taking if we can see them as privileges. hopefully one can avoid bedrest to enter into this kind of eternal joy.
how has Jesus changed your perspective lately?
how do you maintain simplicity in how you live life?
how do remember to pause long enough in your spirit to experience His joy and perspective in the midst of a full life?
(no kids' names request: if you leave a comment, please use only first initial of names. many thanks!!)